What the hell am I doing up this early?

Beyond that....

Think about where you are. Right now. Not your actually physical location, but where are you in your life? Your occupation, family, relationships, are you where you thought you'd be?

And, wherever you may be, is it the same to you as it once was, or as you made it out to be as you entered?

I, my friends, am in the land of the Dis-Illusioned.

My final year as an undergrad. I'll be finished with my BSIS in just over a year. Looking back, I don't have too many regrets, maybe I should of been a little more stoic when I started, and maybe I should have given up that whole music thing long before I did, but it was all a learning thing.

But beyond even that...

When I enter college, I had this preconception of what it was going to be like. I was going to start over, and be somebody with a voice, one who made a difference. And school was going to be good, because it was different, it was small, and it cared about its students. I was part of an organiztion that made a difference, even if we stood out against the grain. I was going to be a campus leader, and I was going to be somebody for once, like I never had been before. And the school was going to grow in a good direction, and me along with it.

that was the Illusion.

And then, as the days went by...a flake here, a sliver there, and eventually chunk by chunk. The Illusion was chipped away. I saw where the school was going: turned into another one of those preppy high browed places, older experienced students turned away for the young and the rash, More 'programs' developed for these children. Heh, thats what they are, too...children. Stop by my school, you'll see it. The organization I loved stripped away from me and my gang, twisted and destroyed, to become part of the new 'image,' the new Illusion that I fear these kids will never see through.

God if I could just go back being Illusioned, maybe, I could be happy there again...but then again, I would re-enter naivety, and fuck if I want to go back there.